Movie Review: The Da Vinci Code

The"Dream Factory" replicates itsÂ’ formula all over the world.
The differences are subtle, but noticeable in this cultural experience that has been enjoyed around the world for nearly a century.

Walking into the Multiplex on Istaklal, you could be anywhere in the world.
Dark tones juxtaposed by bright lights and brighter movie posters.
Extortionate prices for stale popcorn and sugar water.
The only difference here is the metal detector and guard. They detect nothing.

Movies are available with the original soundtrack with Turkish subtitles or dubbed into Turkish.
Luckily, the show we want is in original soundtrack.
“Where would you like to sit?”
The obvious answer is: in a chair.
(The last time we went during the Istanbul Film Festival and the irate usher could not find our seatÂ… we sat in the aisle.)
Looking down at the computerised seating plan, we chose two seats in the middle.

“Up the stairs on your left.”
Up we go.

An adolescent usher ignores us.
We find the spaces reserved for us and sit.
Ads. The same everywhere.

They obviously have not sold enough sugar water.
Another young attendant pushes a trolley up the aisles looking for more sales, yelling at the top of his voice.
This seems a national pastime.

The curtains part further.
The performance begins.

We watch.

Damn subtitles.
The French and Italian are in Turkish.
I am sure IÂ’m not missing much.

Half way through, the screen goes blank.
Has the projectionist fallen asleep at the wheel (or reel).
The trolley boy returns, people stand.

Ahh, intermission.
More opportunities to buy drinks.

In the lobby people smoke.
You have to love that.
Tobacco addiction is so strong here, it seems people cannot go ninety minutes without a hit.

Two Winston Lights later, the movie resumes.

At the end people shuffle out, blurry eyed into the afternoon light, eager to discuss the cinematic experience and abate their nico-cravings, as do we.

THE END

Oh yesÂ… the film.
As much as I expected: beginning, middle and end.
Pretty much the same as the book, pulp fiction with a bit of historical guff and conspiracy theory, nothing that you will not have come across before, if you were interested in finding out.
Tom Hanks played Tom Hanks, he is good at that. Luckily the character was basically Tom Hanks.
Sophie could have been hotter.
Not as much sexual tension as in the book.

I am sure that no one will have their faith tested by seeing this film.
If so, they had a pretty weak grasp on their illusion to begin with.
If the rabid, bible bashing, Christian right and god botherers take offence and start burning books, it shows the nature of their sanctimonious and close minded.

Sean's Quotes:

"I'm gooffed."

Found this on the BBC website, photo essay on a day in China... thought it was interesting.

Topkapi

You may have seen on the photos page, that we finally visited the Sultan's Palace, Topkapi, the other weekend.

I could rant and rave, but this blog is getting very wordy. So I might just give you this really cool link:

http://www.360tr.com/topkapi/index.htm

and you can have a good look at it for yourself.

On the up side, it was really amazing to see how cushy the top dogs had it in this massive empire, that only ended in the 1920's.

On the down side, it is a major tourist destination, so you have get through the shutterbugs and the socks 'n sandals crew.

Well worth a look when you are here though, and worth the extra ten bucks to get into the Harem... that is where all the action was going on.

Photo: The entrance to "The Circumcision Room"

Photos From No-name's Land

Many beers at the border... duty free at least!
The bus company that took us to no where.

Finally got to see the Roman Amphitheatre

A Bugger of a Border Run

The advertised trip to Greece will be postponed and substituted by a second run to Plovdiv, Bulgaria due to a lack of buses to Alexandropoulos on a Thursday.

Ok. At least we know what we are doing this time. I got some tickets. Organised the posse and got there on time at nine am.

We hit the road on time and made it to the border in record time. There was a bus in front of us and got in the queue and waited.

Twenty minutes… Half an hour… An hour…. No one seemed to know why. The Jendarms rocked up and everyone rushed back to there cars and we were off.

Stamped out of Turkey, we were in the land of duty free. Yay!! We got some beers and fags and waited to get into Bulgaria.

An hour… two hours… more beers… three hours… should have brought some cards… four hours… this is getting ridiculous… five hours… more border-land food…

Five and a half hours, a dozen beers and we were through the border. It was gone nine pm. We still have no idea what the problem was. Computer error? A lack of ink? Insufficient bribes?

We were back on the road anyway. Not more than twenty minutes in, a car pulled up in front of the bus and pulled it over. A policeman got out and there was a brief discussion with the bus “steward”.

She goes with the cop back to the border. W.T.F? The bus continued at about three kms an hour. We were obviously going slowly so she could catch up with us when she got back.

That she did after about an hour and we were off again, at a reasonable speed. We suspect that there was some unsigned document that needed her attention. Anyway, we were back on the road.

Now, the bus is equipped with a fully functioning toilet, apparently. However, you are forbidden to use it. Due to the number of infants on board, we were making frequent pee-stops.

This was the next hold up. While one woman was out on the squat, her passport fell out of her back pocket. So, half the bus got off to help with the search. Would you believe it?

We got into Plovdiv, it was well past midnight. We hailed a passing cab who took us to Happy’s in the downtown, the sight of 3 Lev gins, cheap pork meals and waitresses with the skimpy mini skirts.

It was 12.55 am. They close at one. Tired and hungry, we forgot our dreams of pig flesh and set off to find a bed and anything to eat.

We got to the big hostel in the centre of town. No beds.

We found a late night eating establishment and had cold pizza in a back alley off the main strip. The Bulgarian after us had his heated in the microwave… bastards!

Oh well, better than starving. I had heard of another hostel on the internet. I left the tired party and set off on recognisance. I found the Hikers Hostel up a hill in the old town.

Sanctuary. There were just enough beds to go around and cold beers at one Lev a throw. Brilliant.

The next morning we had a traditional eastern European breakfast of white bread, sausage, cheese and ham (mmm pig flesh). I met an Australian there who was from Karrinyup, the next suburb from where I grew up. Then we hit the road for Happy’s.

Here we enjoyed bacon, pork, double breakfast gin and tonics (and the micro-mini skirts) before heading back to the bus station.

On the way back we managed to take in at least one of the sights. A roman amphitheatre was being set up for a local rendition of Othello and we got to have a peak at the stage before the pork feast.

On the way to the train station, we found half litres of (drinkable) whiskey for 5.2 Lev. Six times cheaper than Istanbul.

More beers and we were back on the bus for home, which thankfully, went with out incident.

I got my visa without him even looking at my passport and we were back in time to ensure that we got in time to get hardly enough sleep for work the next morning.

Not the anticipated holiday, but an adventure none the less.

Istanbul Facts (Continued)

Turkey is famous for carpets. Recently, at the Grand bazaar, actress Chelize Theron paid $500 000 for a 15 square meter carpet with 15 million knots that took 15 years to complete. Allegedly, it was once owned by a Mr. S. Hussein of Iraq!

The Turkish 1st commando Brigade made it into the Guinness Book of Records for flying the biggest flag at the greatest height. A 513 square meter Turkish flag was flown 2 000 over Cappadocia.

The average Turkish income in 1986 was $1 487.20 where as today it has increased to $5 008 (compared with $37 000 in the US). By the year 2050, they should have caught up to what Americans are earning today.

There are 70 million people in Turkey. By 2050 there should be 96 million. Most western countries have a declining population. By 2050 Italy will have lost 14 million (the same size as Istanbul today).

Women's Rights:

1843: First trainee midwives entered the School Medicine
1847: The sale of women as slave or concubines banned

1913: Women first permitted to be state officials
1930/1934: Women given the right to vote in local/state elections

2006: Government trying to legislate against women using their maiden names after marriage

Did I also mention that you would make more money as a full time dish washer in Australia than you would working at EF?

Teaching at EF Istanbul

Introduction

Over the past few months I have received several emails from prospective teachers wanting to know what my employers are like. To save me writing this stuff over and over again, I will blog it and they can see for themselves.

I have been employed with English First Istanbul for three months. So far I have
found it to be a reasonable place to work.

One thing that can cause a teacher immeasurable grief, is the nature of the Director of Studies (DOS). Fortunately, we have Steph who does her best to accommodate staff and students. A job that I would never want for myself, as you can never keep everyone happy. She does pretty well.

The students are pretty good. All mine are adults (thank Allah) and are mostly very keen to learn. There are many who are sent from their employers and their jobs could suffer if they do not learn. That is pretty good motivation. Others are less enthusiastic, but they are paying, so it is their choice.

My colleagues are a pretty good bunch. I like to think I have made some good friends here. They are usual sort of people who get up and move to a country like Turkey. Their professionalism is certainly greater than other schools I have experienced… no names mentioned.

There is also an extensive range of additional resources that can be used to supplement the texts. EF here uses Total English for beginner to pre-intermediate and New Cutting Edge for intermediate to advanced classes. The photocopier does pretty well despite having the occasional emotional crisis.

EF also likes to show a strong commitment to “professional development”. This takes the form of bi-monthly workshops, peer observations and providing mentors for inexperienced teachers. However, in my experience this has proved to be a bit half arsed – due to a shortage of teachers and the heavy workloads of the senior staff. The intention is there anyway.

The school is located above a very trendy café. This is handy for the odd cup of tea during the breaks. However, despite the 60 YTL credit every month and a 10% teacher discount, most dishes are out of the price range of this teacher.

The major downside of this position is the split shifts. This is where you will have one class in the morning and then nothing until the evening. This only happens for me about twice a week. Split shifts have tended to aggravate most teachers here and caused some to reconsider their positions with the school.

Classes

Classes, for all levels, run for two hours with a ten minute break in the middle and include up to 12 students. However, I have yet to have a class with all twelve, as attendance can be a bit hit and miss. Most people have other commitments that come before learning. Classes run in the mornings and the evenings.

One on One Classes

These I have found more enjoyable than I expected. They can be very intensive as it is only the two of you. They are also very personality based and if you get on with the student, the hour and half flies by.

As they are more expensive than classes, allot of the students I have taught are from a business background. My students have included: housewives, an assistant to the CEO of the county’s biggest bank, a journalist with the country’s most respected newspaper, an accountant, an industrialist, a world famous hairdresser and an Islamic banker.

In Company

This is where you go to a company to give lessons. I have yet to do any of these so I cannot comment.

Conversation

These are a breeze. You must sit and converse with a class for an hour. There are plenty of conversation questions available on the net or you can devise speaking games. It is quite straight forward (assuming that your students want / are able to speak) and it is a great way to gain insight into the student’s culture, customs, opinions and beliefs.

B-Learning

This stands for “blended” learning. Basically, students do modules on the internet and come in for conversation based on the module. This means that there is no preparation required (suits me) and you only have an hour and a half of conversation. However, the system breaks down when you get there and your student says “I have not done the work and could you teach me the present perfect continuous tense please?”
Then you have to think quickly.

Conclusion

EF is not a bad place to work. At the end of the day this sort of school is a business and exists to make money. At times it feels like this takes priority over education. However, I am getting paid and this is not my concern. It would be nice if there was more attention paid to the teacher development it espouses. Overall, it is a pretty good place to work, but the split shifts suck.

It could be worse.

New Flatmate

Thanks to Efes, lack of restrictions on the sale of alcohol and some inconsiderate housemates we have been blessed with someone to share our rent.

Quintin, a New Zealander, with many years teaching experience has moving into our humble abode. With black eye and shoulder broken in two places, he will share with us till mid-July.

After that we shall be on the housemate hunt again. So, if you know anyone coming to Istanbul in July and need a place, feel free to let us know.

Sean's Quotes:

"Jeezus Krist, Armarnis, lik it doze bluddy mointains!!"

WTF?: Ask a South African

Efes Pilsner

I have tried many of the brews from around the world, but West End from SA, Chiang from Thailand and English beer in general, have nothing on the destructive powers of Efes Pilsner on tap.

It comes in 30 cl, 50 cl, or 70 cl buckets for around 2-4 YTL a throw and is served on tap in most bars.

It appears to have been brewed mainly with formaldehyde and Bospherous water.

If you have the misfortune to consume more than four in an evening, you will wake up wishing you had gotten into a fight earlier in the evening, cracking your head open and preventing you having consumed so much, that you feel like you had gotten in a fight the previous evening and cracked your head open.

At least you would have more money in your pocket and some presentable scars for your pain.

Anyway, I am off for an Efes.

Birth Control

26.3 % of Turkish people do not use birth control

Among those who do:

22% use intra-uterine devices (IUD) – the most popular method

20.4% use the “withdrawal” method

16.1% use condoms

8% the pill

Incidentally…

Turkish population rises by 2.2 every year – one of the highest rates in Europe.

40% of the population is under 25 years old.

21 million of Turkey’s 70 million people are under 14.

9.3 million children live in poverty.

4 million children are forced to work.

21% of children are illiterate.

One million children live on the street.

From:
The New Anatolian

Gypsy Festival

Our landlord had told us about a gypsy festival taking place on the streets behind Toptaki Palace, on Friday night, so we decided to go down and take a look.

There are a vast number of streets between the palace and the Bospherous so we randomly wandered off to find the festival. You would have thought you would have been able to hear it.

Eventually we found it, five stages along half a dozen streets, food stalls, beer taps and bands lining the way.

Every corner had a band that only stopped to make way for another band that would be passing with its entourage of dancers and revellers.

Brass bands, clarinets, traditional drums and woodwinds, all competed with the crowd’s tambourines and shakers in the din.

The crowds were vicious as well. Patience does not seem to be a virtue in this situation. Those little old ladies in headscarves sure know how to use there elbows. There were some small children who were dragged along and were looking thoroughly unimpressed.

We made it all the way down the street before we came to Stage One, The Techno Tent; but, it was not so much a tent as a castle, with DJs set up on a stage at one end, robo-lights on the ramparts and drunken business men getting down Turkish pop mixed with Bony M.

We made it out of there and up the side street to follow a band around to the front again. There was no choice other than to follow the band as they set the pace of the crowd. There was no getting around it.

I would have loved to stay for longer and have a few beers, but unfortunately, working on weekends, does not allow for late Friday nights drinking Efes. So we headed off.

Be sure to check it out if you are ever in Istanbul in early May.

New Pad

Well, here we are, finally in the new place. It is pretty flash, compared to where we were.
With this life has greatly improved: no more marching up and down Istaklal everyday, no more psycho bitch landlord and lots of space.

There were a couple of teething troubles with the shower and the internet, but all that has been fixed up, thanks to some very amenable landlords who have bent over backwards (so to speak) to help.

The next task will be finding someone to fill up the spare room so we are not left completely broke. So, if you know anyone in Istanbul who is looking for a room, let us know... As long as they are cool.

Anyway, check out the pics on flickr and we will let you know how it goes.

Outlook on...

Courtesy: Ms. L. M. Wynne-allen

Kurds in Turkey

Tried to find a balenced set of articles but it all seems pretty one sided.

Check out:

The American Federation of Scientists

The Washington Post: Terrorism Profile

The Bulliten

Istanbul Facts (Continued)

For every 100 houses there are 8 dogs and cats in the city consuming 13 000 tons of pet food costing $68 000.

Turkish Airlines will carry over about 18 000 000 passengers this year. They will use 31 000 rolls of toilet paper at Attaturk Airport’s 295 bogs.

While Europeans use on average 50 rolls of toilet paper per year and Bangladeshis only 1, Turks use 8 rolls per year.

Sixteen months of military service is compulsory in Turkey for all males after they finish their education. Fifty per cent of these guys do not know what a condom is so the army is importing special plastic Portuguese penises for demonstration purposes.

It is estimated that there are over 8 000 bars, clubs and restaurants in the Istanbul. The first club was opened in 1870 under the protection of the fun-lovin’ Grand Vizier, Mehmed Emin Ali Pasha.

38% of Turks ponder the meaning of life.

98% consider themselves religious.

42% think it important to celebrate births with a religious ceremony.

58% believe divorce is acceptable.

98% believe it is wrong to avoid paying taxes.

98% say that god is important in their lives.

6% say they would be willing to accept a bribe.

63% take pride in their country.

Sean’s Quotes:

“I am sweating like a whore in church!”

FYI:

Mosques call the devote to pray five times a day from before sunrise to after sunset.

The call is in Arabic. The playing of a recording of this call has been banned in Istanbul and it is recited by a human, everytime.

Photo:
The first surah in a Qur'anic manuscript by Hattat Aziz Efendi.