The Hammam Experience

Huge stone building in Sultenamet with domes atop.
Down the steps and in.
Pay your money.
Ladies to the right, gentlemen head.
See you later.

Large foyer with ornate domed roof and a terrace level above.
Café style tables, coffee bar and steps up.
:”Upstairs upstairs”
Up I go. At the top I am given a small towel.
“Change, change.”
I am shown into a small cubicle with a half the door made of clear glass.
There is a towel covered bench, three hooks on the wall and a pair on slip on sandals.
I feel strange walking out wearing only a towel and sandals.

Heading back down stairs I am shown through.
A man with a huge moustache and gaps in his teeth that you could drive a truck through shows me in.
“First time, yes?. In here, relax, massage soon.”

The room is vast.
At the centre is a giant stone slab where men in towels lay, heads supported by small steel bowls.
Round the outside of the room are ornate marble basins.
Everything is marble.

I lay down. It is hot.
The atmosphere is like Singapore times a hundred.
It is hard to breath.
Immediately I am covered in sweat.
A pleasant change from the biting cold outside.

The others there seem to be tourists.
Israelis I guess and a couple of Japanese.
Anyone who is Turkish I assume works here.

I watch, trying to establish what the etiquette is.
Everyone else seems as lost as I do, making me feel more at easy.
Other people are getting the massage.
I am getting the hang of it.
Just chill and so as you are told.

One man who looks like he knows what he is going goes over to one of the marble fonts with his steel bowl and pours water over himself.
That seems like a good idea and I do the same.
AHHHhh!! Scolding hot.
I go the next one and repeat.
OOOhhh!! Freezing cold.
I go back to sweating on the slab.

Looking up at the ceiling, an ancient domed eye looks back that may have gazed on thousands before me.
I drift off....

Sawwack!
The blow to my leg rouses me from my humidity induced slumber.
He grabs my leg and pulls me towards him.
The relaxation soon evaporateshummany hamam guide throws my arms in opposite directions across my chest and pushes on my elbows with all his might until I hear bits of my body crack.
“Good.”
It seems more of a challenge than a question.
I smile weakly.

My torturer covers me with hot water then attempts to remove my skin by means of a coarse camel hair glove.
Next a sack of suds appears. He squeezes it and covers me with sweet smelling soap. Then again, again. And Again.
I am nothing more than a shape under a mountain of suds.
He scrubs me again before washing me off.

Then the massage starts.
This guy really wants to see how much you can take before you scream “get off me you sadistic bastard!!”
I managed to resist.

I feel like a tuna on a fish mongers bench as he throws me around.
He does his best to crack every bone in my body and then tries to see how for he can push his thumbs into my flesh.
He flips me over to work on the other fillet.
“Good” Another challenge.
Smiling, I do my best hang on.

Fortunately it is not long before he takes me over to one of the fonts.
“Sit sit”
He works my shoulders and neck before trying to crack my arms as if they were stock whips. Then it is time to be covered in cold water.

“Relax, relax. When ready, come out”
He buggers off.

I go back to the stone slab and do my best to recover.
The eye stares down, unblinking.
I sweat.

Later I head out and my man is waiting to show me to the shower room.
He is very insistent that I lock the door of the shower. That is a little disturbing.
I wash off the sweat.

Outside he is waiting again.
This time to take my towel and replace it with three fresh ones – waist, chest and head.
He sends me on my way looking like Alan of Arabia.

A little shell shocked I head back up to my cube.
Slowly I get dressed, head out and leave a tip.

Downstairs there is fresh orange juice and a welcome seat.
All the moisture appears to have been removed from my body.

We head back out into the cold March air for a feed and a cleansing ale..

Maybe next time I might try and findhammanre authentic hamam away from the tourist district.

It was definitely a worth while experience and at least I will know a bit more about what to do in the future.